I want to work and work right now. A little bit tired, cold and hungry and all motivation is lost. All this pampering through life doesn’t do any good. There should have been an element of struggle. When you don’t experience it early on, it’s tougher to get through it later on.

In the end it all comes back to the same thing. I want to be doing whatever I want on the spur of the moment. I want to wake up in the morning, and if I think, "hey, I feel like drawing today", I will be able to do so. I’ll be able to whip out paper, chair, pad sit down and draw and draw with no regard for time and no worries, stopping only when it’s dark. Sure, I could draw right now. But if I did, I would not enjoy doing so, for all the while in the back of my mind all the things I have to do would be distracting me. It would not be enjoyable. My mind is just buzzing with all the wonderful things I could be doing, learning to cook, play golf, drawing, playing piano, reading. But again, this is only possible with time. And time can only be acquired with money. Money I don’t have. Feeling a bit better now that I’ve organized this thoughts. More motivated.